Beautiful Glamour Models Tasteful Nude, Classy and Sexy

"So Much Beauty, So Little Time..." ...A.H.


Jan 2020

Click here for more!

NEW Added on 1/30/2020


One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole.

The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before.

But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop and said,

"Because you are the only two animals I have seen,

I will grant both of you three wishes.

Bear, you can go first."

The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said,

"I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish.

"Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine.

The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items,

because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said,

"I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said,

"I wish that the bear was gay."


NEW Added on 1/29/2020


Little Red Riding Hood is about to go visit her Grandmother.

Her mother tells her, "Little Red Riding Hood, don't walk through the forest,

you know the Big Bad Wolf is going to try to pinch your boobies."

Little Red Riding Hood says,

"Oh no, he's not!" and she leaves.

Farmer Brown sees Little Red Riding Hood and says,

"Little Red Riding Hood, don't walk through the forest,

you know the Big Bad Wolf is going to try to pinch your boobies."

Little Red Riding Hood says,

"Oh no, he's not!" and walks on.

Finally, she gets to Grandmother's house and the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and says,

"Little Red Riding Hood, why are you in the forest,

you know I'm going to pinch your boobies."

Little Red riding hood pulls a gun out of her basket and says,

"Oh no you're not,

you're going to eat me, just like the story says!"


NEW Added on 1/28/2020


"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else....
and it hasn't....
it's that girls should stick to girls' sports,
such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike.
You just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
That's the American way."

"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"

"Maybe, just once....
someone will call me 'sir' without adding,
'you're making a scene.'"


NEW Added on 1/27/2020


Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about the new Blonde Nurse.

'She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.' said one doctor.

'Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours.

She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours.

He nearly died on us!'

The second doctor said,

'That's nothing....

Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours.

She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!

The guy nearly exploded!'

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall,:

'Oh my God!' said the first doctor,

'I just realized I told her to prick Mr. Smith's boil!'


NEW Added on 1/26/2020


"If you really want something in life you have to work for it.
Now be quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"To alcohol!
The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

"I saw a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city....
keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode!
I think it was called,
'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life:
Number one, 'cover for me.'
Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.'
Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

"Step aside everyone!
Sensitive love letters are my specialty.
'Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville.
Population: you.'"

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose:
it's how drunk you get."


NEW Added on 1/25/2020


Robert is out in the country with his new bride.

They watch as a bull comes over the rise and services six cows in a row,

one after the other.

His wife says,

"It's a shame a man can't perform like that."

He says,

"We could, if we got to change cows every time."


NEW Added on 1/24/2020


Now I lay me down to sleep.
Please don't send me no more creeps.
Please just send me one good man.
One without a wedding band.

One good man who's sweet as pie.
Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie.
Who dresses neat and is never bad.
And is sexy like my man Brad.

If I should die before I wake,
that would truly take the cake;
No matrimony or honeymoon.
No fancy reception planned for June.

No throwing of the wedding bouquet.
Please, God, don't let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right
I won't go out without a fight.

But then again with my luck,
He'd probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad
I know it's just a passing fad.

I won't be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down.
No more makeup, won't comb my hair.
So never mind this stupid prayer.

The single life will do just fine.
So what's up, girlfriend?


NEW Added on 1/23/2020


Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.

St. Peter said,

"I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here.

Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something.

You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big......

what kind of car you get will depend on your answer."

The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy,

"How long were you married?"

The first guy says, "24 years."

"Did you ever cheat on your wife?" Peter asked.

The guy says, "Yeah, 7 times... but you said I was forgiven!"

Peter says, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto."

The second guy says,

"I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once,

but that was our first year and we really worked it out good."

Peter says, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."

The 3rd guy walks up and says,

"Peter, I know what you're going to ask.

I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman!

I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter says, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"

A few days later, the 2 guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto

see the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk.

When they ask him what's wrong, he says,

"I just saw my wife, and she was on a skateboard!"


NEW Added on 1/22/2020


A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say,'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed,

"but I have a solution to your problem.

Bring your parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male

talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the Bible.

My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying such terrible things,

and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman exclaimed.

The next day the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots ...

and the female parrots say,

"Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims,

"Put the beads away, dude!

Our prayers have finally been answered!"


NEW Added on1/21/2020


Three elderly women, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a Florida

retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside.

Inevitably, their conversation turned to children.

"My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue," announced one.

Not to be outdone, the second remarked,

"My son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."

The third remained conspicuously silent.

Sensing easier game, the first matron inquired,

"And you, dear, do you have a son?"

"And is he a professional?" demanded the second.

"Well, not exactly," answered the third.

"Actually, he's a plumber. And not only that, he's gay."

Beaming, one of the poor woman's interrogators offered consolation:

"Ah, he's not doing so well."

This time it was the third woman who smiled.

"He's not doing too badly," she explained.

"He goes out with the most successful doctor on Park Avenue

and the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."


NEW Added on 1/20/2020


A Drunk walks into a bar,

and there is a horse behind the bar serving the drinks.

The Drunk is staring at the horse, when the horse says:

'Hey mister - what are you staring at?

Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?'

The Drunk says, 'No, no, it's not that...

it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place.'


NEW Added on 1/19/2020

What Can I Get for Ten Bucks?

A guy is desperate for sex but he only has ten bucks to his name.

He decides to go and see the madam at the local brothel.

When he tells her of his lack of funds....

she shows him to a small room and points to a chicken in the corner....

he decides to accept and it turns out to be the best sex he has ever had.

About a week later he returns with 20 bucks in his pocket....

and asks what she can do for him this time.

He is shown to a large room with several benches and a two way mirror,

through which he is invited to watch two lesbians having sex.

After half an hour he nudges the guy next him and says

"What a great show for 20 bucks."

The guy replies,

"Yeah! But you should have been here last week.

We had some guy having sex with a chicken!


NEW Added on 1/18/2020


A convention of ghost enthusiasts was taking place at a local hotel.

At one of the daily sessions the speaker asks if anyone has ever seen a ghost.

A few hundred people raise their hands. The speaker is quite pleased with the reaction.

He next asks whether anyone has ever touched a ghost?

Much to his surprise, at least a dozen people raise their hands,

claiming to have actually touched a ghost.

The speakers then asks whether anyone has ever had sex with a ghost.

There is silence in the room.

A few moments pass and then suddenly.....

an East Indian gentleman sitting in the back raises his hand and exclaims, "I have."

The speaker cannot believe what he has just heard.

"You sir? You have actually had sex with a ghost?"

Embarrassed, the East Indian replies,

"Omigod, stupid, stupid me.....

Very, very bad mistake.....

I am thinking you say goat."


NEW Added on 1/17/2020


A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds,

"Why don't you wear Silver....

it would be nice if you came in second for a change!"


NEW Added on 1/16/2020


A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair.

One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion.....

so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love.

When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night.

They got dressed quickly.

Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn.

Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird.

The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door.

Upset, she asked where he'd been.

The man replied, 'I can not tell a lie.

My secretary and I are having an affair.

Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love...

and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late.'

The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled,

'I can see those grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR!

You've been playing golf again, haven't you?'


NEW Added on 1/15/2020

Right and Wrong!

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take another example," she said....

"If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money..... what would I be?"

A little girl raised her hand, and said,

"You'd be his wife."


NEW Added on 1/14/2020


A Blonde was complaining to her friend about how she was constantly being teased about how dumb she was.

So her friend tells her "why don't you do something to prove everyone wrong?

Learn all 50 States Capitals or something."

The Blonde thinks this is a great idea so she locks herself up in a room to study for 2 weeks.

The next weekend she was at a party and someone was teasing her about how dumb Blondes are.

So she said "I am not dumb! I can name the capital of all 50 states."

So the other person says "ok smarty, what's the capital of Montana?"

The Blonde was very excited because she knew this answer! "I know this, I know this!

The capital of Montana is M!"


NEW Added on 1/13/2020


A guy blows through a stop sign and gets caught by a policeman.
Cop says, "License and registration please."

Guy says, "What for?"
Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Guy says,"I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Cop says,"You still didn't come to a complete stop,
license and registration, please."

Guy says, "What's the difference?"
Cop says, "the difference is, you have to come to a complete Stop.
License and registration, PLEASE!"

Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop
I'll give you my license and registration."
Cop says, "Exit your vehicle sir."

At this point, the cop takes out his Night Stick and starts beating the guy over the head and says,

"NOW, Do you want me to slow down or stop?"


NEW Added on 1/12/2020

Relationship with God

87 year old Morris went for his annual physical.

All of his tests came back with great results.

Dr. Cohen said, "Morris everything looks great physically.

How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with yourself,

and have a good relationship with God?"

Morris replied, "God and me are tight.

We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night,

*poof* . . . the light goes on when I go to the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off!"

"Wow," commented Dr. Cohen, "That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Cohen called Morris's wife.

"Becky," he said, "Morris is just fine.

Physically he's great.

But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.

Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom....

and then *poof* the light goes off?"

Becky replied, "The darn fool!...

He's peeing in the fridge again.


NEW Added on 1/11/2020


A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These
highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and
background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and
testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but
only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely
secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a
large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this
room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could
never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the
right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know
that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they
explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a
chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in
the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man
came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just
couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for
the job."

"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same
door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow
instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside
you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the
way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots.
Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for
several minutes, then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.......
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said,

"You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks!
I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"


NEW Added on 1/10/2020

The Piggy Bank

As a painless way to save money....

a young couple decided that every time they make love ....

the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank.

One night while being unusually athletic....

he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashes.

To his surprise, among the masses of coins....

there are handfuls of ten and twenty dollar bills.

He asks his wife what's up.

"Well," she replied,

"Not everyone is as cheap as you are."


NEW Added on 1/9/2020


A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man

standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps

on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man

and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?' "

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."


NEW Added on 1/8/2020


Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities....

the first shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport....

but was hijacked on the way to the pharmacy distribution warehouse.

Scotland Yard has warned the public to be on the lookout....

for a gang of hardened criminals.


NEW Added on 1/7/2020


Question: How do you know if a Blonde has been sending e-mail?

Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into your CD Drive.


NEW Added on 1/6/2020


A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks,

'Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?'

The mother replies,

'Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.'

'OK,' said the son. A few minutes later the son asks,

'Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?'

'They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert.'

'Thanks Mom,' replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks,

'Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??'

The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies,

'They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert,

so we can go without drinking for long periods.'

'That`s great Mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking,

and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and

these humps to store water, but Mom...'

'Yes, son?'

'Why the hell are we in the Central Park Zoo?'


NEW Added on 1/5/202014


Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father Ernie senior, met for lunch.

"Well son," asked Ernie senior,

"How is married life treating you?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed junior.

"It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned.

"That's right," moaned Ernie junior.

"None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!"

Ernie senior nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times.

"Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?"

Young Ernie smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!"

"Fine," replied Ernie senior,

"I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."


NEW Added on 1/4/2020


A macho man married a good-looking sexy young lady.

After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want...

and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you otherwise.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin', and card-playing when I want and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me.

Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night....

whether you're here or not."


NEW Added on 1/3/2020


A guy walks into a bar and sits down beside an attractive woman.

He sits there for awhile intently staring at his watch as the woman becomes curious.

The woman leans over and says "that is a nice watch you're wearing."

"Thanks," he says. "It's a new top of the line watch."

She asks, "what can it do?"

He says that it tells him things telepathically.

"Oh yeah," she says. "What is it telling you now?"

He says that it says she's not wearing any panties.

She replies that's wrong because she is.

He looks at his watch as says, "damn, it must be an hour fast."


NEW Added on 1/2/2020


It seems that after Bill Clinton got caught with Monica,

Hillary took charge of hiring new interns for the White House!

She offered Lorena Bobbitt the job!


NEW Added on 1/1/2020


It was Christmas Day, and a little boy who just got a brand new bike for Christmas

was riding down it down the street for the first time! He was so proud!

He stopped at a red light and smiled up at a Police Officer on a horse.

The Police Officer asked the boy "Did Santa bring you that new bike?"

The boy replied "Yes! Sir"

"It looks like Santa forgot to put reflectors on the back of your bike" said the Police Officer,

"The next time I see you there better be reflectors on your bike!" said the Police Officer.

The little boy replied "Yes Sir".

"Officer, can I ask you a question?" said the little boy.

"Yes", said the Officer.

"Did Santa bring you that horse?" asked the boy.

"Yes he did!" said the officer.

Then the boy said...

"Oh, if I ever get a horse I'm going to ask Santa to put the ass hole

behind the horse instead of on top".