NEW Added on 12/31/2018
 HAPPY NEW YEAR
THE GRAND FINALE
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert,
some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.
No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new 22 foot boat, going.
It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina,
thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down,
and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/30/2018
IN THE BAR
Note: Dean Martin's Favorite Joke
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him "What'll it be?"
The grasshopper says "I don't care".
The bartender says...
"Did you know that we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper looks up at the bartender as says...
"You have a drink named Irving?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/29/2018
AND THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED!
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink
as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, ' She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split 20 years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife,
'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/28/2018
THE RABBIT
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at
apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it,
including the rabbit
and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling:
"Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/27/2018
GOING ON A DATE
"Emily, I don't know what to do,"
Gloria said to her friend at work.
"That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night.
Should I go?"
"Oh, my gosh," her friend exclaimed.
"He'll wine you, dine you,
and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment.
Then he'll rip off your dress and make love to you all night long!"
"What should I do?"
"Wear an old dress."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/26/2018
"Santas Pickup Lines"
ANNUAL TRADITION - BY POPULAR DEMAND
1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
3. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
4. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!
5. Some of my best toys run on batteries.
6. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)
7. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
8. Forget the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!
9. Wanna join My "Mile High" club?
Alex and The Most Beautiful Women in the World,
WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A
HAPPY PEACEFUL NEW YEAR |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/25/2018
ANNUAL TRADITION - BY POPULAR DEMAND
A CHRISTMAS STORY
Twas, the night before Christmas, and all through the house.
Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse.
No kids lived with me, so I thought I would chatter.
There'd be no damn reindeer, and no stupid clatter.
There'd be no fat elf, coming through my chimney.
I'll be alone, my Hewlet Packard and me.
I won't race to the window, I'll have no ecstasy.
I'll just sit right here... with Windows XP.
There's no one I know, as I'm surfing around.
None of my regular buddies are found.
I went in some chat rooms, but quickly got out.
Age, sex, location is all that's about.
As I was about to go check out the net.
I got an E-mail which I didn't expect.
A lady told me, she had read my profile.
And asked, if I might like to chat for a while.
She said, if I didn't, then she would just leave.
But, she was so lonely, on this Christmas Eve.
She said, it's the first time, she'd ever been on.
But, she heard, computers, could be so much fun.
She said, the computer, was usually locked tight.
But, she said, her husband, left it on... tonight.
He's away on some business; He'll be gone all night.
So, she thought she'd use it, "I guess it's all right."
She started to tell me, about her whole life.
How, she was expected to be a good wife.
She talked of her anger, frustrations, and needs.
Because, she was forced, to do such silly deeds.
She talked on and on, from one thing to the next.
Then finally told me...... she was oversexed.
She didn't have sex, with her husband, she told.
He's always too busy, and getting too old.
Then, she wrote me something, that made my heart vex.
She asked me to teach her, to have cyber-sex.
I said, if she wanted me to, that I could.
Then after an hour, she got *really* good.
After five hours, my fingers were sore.
I told her, that I couldn't go anymore.
She said, that was fine, because she was tired too.
And anyway, her husband, soon would be due.
She said she would be on, the same time next year.
Then asked, if I wouldn't mind, meeting her here.
She said, only.... on this night, she could be found.
It is only.... this night, her husband leaves town.
She said bye, and signed off... And, I had to pause.
I think I just cybered... with *Mrs.* Santa Claus!!!!
Alex and The Most Beautiful Women in the World,
WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A
HAPPY PEACEFUL NEW YEAR |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/24/2018
ANNUAL TRADITION - BY POPULAR DEMAND
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS
at The SOPRANO'S HOUSE
'Twas the night before christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin,
Cause I had a gun under da pilla.
When up on da roof,
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window and yelled,
"Yo!, Keep it down."
When what to my wonderin'
eyes should appear,
But the Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer.
Wit' slicked back hair,
and a red silk suit,
Don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought all da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a wack 'side dare heads,
He shouted and swore,
And he called dem by name.
"Yo Vinny, Yo Paulie,
Yo Augie, Yo Vito;
Hay Tony, Hay Joey,
Hay Frankie and Guido!"
As I pulled out my gun,
And hid by da bed,
He flew in'da window,
And smacked me in'da head!
"What da hell you doin',
Pullin' a gun on da Don?"
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin moron!"
Den shovin' his finga,
Right under my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he gave dem a beatin'.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did not expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/23/2018
SANTA AND THE ANGEL
ANNUAL TRADITION - BY POPULAR DEMAND
It had been a very stressful Christmas Eve for Santa.
Four of his elves were sick, and the trainees couldn't do the work right.
Then Mrs. Claus said that her mother was coming for a visit,
stressing Santa even more.
When he checked on his reindeer.
Three were about to give birth, and two had run off to who knows where.
Santa then decided to get coffee and a shot of whiskey.
But the elves had hit the liquor cabinet and emptied it.
Then the doorbell rang, and Santa cussed under his breath on the way to the door.
There was this little angel carrying a big Christmas tree.
She asked,
"Hey fat man, where would you like me to put this tree?"
And that is the story of how the little angel got to be on top of the Christmas tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/22/2018
THE CHRISTMAS DIVORCE
ANNUAL TRADITION - BY POPULAR DEMAND
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says,
"I hate to ruin your day,
but I have to tell you that your Mom and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,
" She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father,
"You are NOT getting divorced.
Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says,
"the kids are coming for Christmas and paying their own way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/21/2018
THE ARGUMENT
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!"
he shouted as he stormed off to work.
By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
He asked, "What took you so long to answer?"
She answered, "I was in bed."
He asked, "What were you doing in bed this late?"
She answered, "I was getting a second opinion."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/20/2018
DADDY'S BIG TUMMY
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad
bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts.
Worried about what her son has seen she dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son asks his mom, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your daddy has a big tummy and sometimes
I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time," says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over,
gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/19/2018
BLONDE GUY
A Blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing,
his 4- year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy!
Uncle Ted is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom,
past his screaming wife, and rips open the closet door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
"You bastard," says the husband,
"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around
with no clothes on scaring the kids!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRIBUTE TO HENNY YOUNGMAN (Take my wife....Please!)
NEW Added on 12/18/2018
Traveling Salesman
A New Yorker on business in Kentucky met a young lady in a bar,
and invited her to his room.
As she was undressing, he said,
"Say, how old are you?"
"Thirteen"
"Thirteen? Oh My God!
Get those clothes back on and get out of here."
As she was leaving, she said,
"What's the problem, Superstitious?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/17/2018
Going Fishing
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly,
made my lunch, grabbed the dog,
slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage,
turned on
the radio......
and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the
day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back.....
now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 20 years replied......
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but......
I've stopped fishing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/16/2018
LAWYER JOKE
A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told him that her husband prefered anal intercourse,
and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
The doctor asked, 'Do you enjoy it?'
She said that she did.
He asked, 'Does it hurt you?'
She said that it didn't.
The doctor then told her,
'Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't continue,
if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'
The woman was mystified.
She asked 'You can get pregnant from anal intercourse???'
The doctor replied,
'Of course. Where do you think attorneys come from?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/15/2018
THE VIRGIN
A woman & her best friend are shopping for a wedding gown.
Surprised at her choice, the friend exclaims,
"you can't be serious, how can you wear white?"
The woman asks why not?
"Well", said the friend, "this is your FOURTH wedding and you're not a virgin!"
"Oh, but I am" replied the woman.
"My 1st husband was a Gynecologist,
and all he wanted to do was look at it.
My 2nd husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it.
My 3rd husband was a contractor & never showed up.
But this time I'm marrying a Lawyer & I know I'll get screwed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/14/2018
Q. & A.
Q. Why is it that most husbands forget their own mistakes?
A. Because there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/13/2018
THE CAT & THE ROOSTER
There are four animals.
A rooster, a mouse, a worm, and a cat.
In the middle of them is a pond.
Every time the rooster tries to go around the pond to get the worm everyone moves around.
If he goes the other way the same thing happens.
So he decides to go over the pond.
He gets a big run, jumps, and flaps his wings and gets over and gets the worm.
He is very happy.
The cat (who really wants to get the mouse) decides to try the same trick.
He gets a big running start and SPLASH, right in the middle of the pond.
The Moral of this story is..........
"Whenever there is a happy cock there is a wet pussy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/12/2018
THE LION TAMERS
A circus came into town and put out an ad 'Lion tamer needed.'
On the day of the auditions two people showed up.
One was a young man, of 25,
the other was a beautiful young woman of about the same age.
The ringmaster led the two up to the cage and said,
'I won't lie to you, this is the most dangerous lion I have ever seen.
He ate the two lion tamers I had before you.
You have the choice of a pistol, whip, or chair to tame him,
If you can do it you have the job.
Who wants to go first?'
The young lady says 'I will.'
She walks past the pistol, whip, and chair and into the cage.
The lion immediately sees her and charges.
When the lion is halfway to her she throws open her robe.......
revealing her luscious, nude young body.
The lion stops dead in its tracks, purrs, then slowly walks toward her.
It proceeds to lick her feet, ankles, and legs.......
It then goes to sleep with it's head on her feet.
The ringmaster exclaims
'Good lord, I have never seen anything like that!
He then looks at the young man and says
'Do you think you can top that?'
The young man says
'You bet I can,
just get rid of that lion !'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/11/2018
THE LESBIAN
A guy walked into a bar and noticed a beautiful blonde sitting at the bar.
He walked up to her and said 'Can I buy you a drink?'
She replied 'Yes you may, but you won't get to first base with me.'
'And why not?' replied the guy.
'Because I'm a lesbian.' she replied.
'Oh, so you're from Lebanon.'
'You don't know what a lesbian is, do you?'
'No, I can't say I do.' replied the guy.
'Let me try to explain.' said the blonde.
'You see that girl at the end of the bar?
Well, I would like to make passionate love to her,
and kiss her all over all night long.'
She looked aside and saw the guy with his head down sobbing uncontrollably.
'What's the matter with you?!'
The guy slowly looked up at her and said
'My GOD... I think I'm a lesbian, too!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/10/2018
MEN vs WOMEN
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument..
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
LOOKS
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/9/2018
DIARY OF A DOG AND CAT
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary….
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary…
...............
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They delight in taunting me with that bright spot on the carpet.....
that I always catch and it always disappears.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength..
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about.....
what a 'good little hunter' I am......
the Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded .
The bird has got to be an informant.
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe.........
for now....... meow.....meow.....meow..... ;-)
Purr...Purr... I'm waiting!! ;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/8/2018
THE RANCH HAND
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad
in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it,
and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy,
figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day.
He knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked,
and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
'You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
However, one o' clock;came and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
He returned around two-thirty and found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace.
She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.'
He did so, slowly.
'Now take off my skirt.' He did.
'Now take off my bra.'
Again with trembling hands he did as he was told.
'Now,' she said, 'take off my panties.'
He slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said,
'Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/7/2018
ELDERLY TEXTING
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon, the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you".
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/6/2018
MAN'S ORIGINAL SIN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/5/2018
IN THE BEGINNING
In the beginning, the plan for a divine human design was painstakingly implemented.
"The nerve endings," said St. Peter, "how many will I put in her hands?"
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Two hundred, O Mighty One."
"Then we shall do the same for the woman."
"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals, O Mightiest?"
"How many did we put in Adam?"
"Four hundred twenty, O Mighty One."
"Oh yes, we wanted Adam to have a little pleasure procreating.
Do the same for woman."
"Yes, O Great Lord."
"Wait! Hold it, St. Peter,
Give her ten thousand,
I want to hear her scream out my name..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/4/2018
The Mink Coat
A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive store.
''Show the lady your finest mink!'' the fellow exclaims.
So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the owner discreetly whispers to the man,
''Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.''
''No problem! I'll write you a check!''
''Very good, sir.'' says the shop owner.
''Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared.''
So the man and the woman leave.
On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged,
''How dare you show your face in here?!
There wasn`t a single penny in your bank account!!''
''I just had to come by,'' grinned the guy,
''to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/3/2018
ELDERLY LOVE
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day
so they could travel in together.
After the examination, the doctor said to the elderly man, 'You appear to be in good health.
Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss me?'
'In fact, I do', said the man. 'After I make love to my wife for the first time,
I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex my wife the second time,
I am usually cold and chilly.'
'This is very interesting', replied the doctor. 'Let me do some research and get back to you.'
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine.
Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss me?'
The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns.
The doctor then asked: 'Your husband had an unusual concern.
He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after making love the first time and then cold and chilly after the second time.
Do you have any idea why this would be?'
'Oh that old buzzard!' she replied.
'That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/2/2018
BLONDE JOKES
Q: What do Blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a Blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a Blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW Added on 12/1/2018
GOD'S HOLIDAY
God is sitting on His Throne in Heaven.
He's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being number one,
so he's decided to go on holiday.
He calls for St. Peter.
'What about Mars', says St. Peter.
'No, I went there 15,000 years ago', says God.
'It was terrible, no atmosphere and too dusty.'
'What about Pluto', suggests St. Peter.
'No I went there about 10,000 years ago', says God.
' It was freezing'.
'What about Mercury then', says St. Peter.
'It's nice but I went there about 5,000 years ago,
It was so hot, never again' says God.
'Well what about Earth then' suggests St. Peter.
'You must be joking' says God.
'I went there about 2,000 years ago,
Had my way with a Jewish girl named Mary,
and they're still talking about it.'
|
