Beautiful Glamour Models Tasteful Nude, Classy and Sexy
ALEX HUNTER......
PHOTOGRAPHY

"So Much Beauty, So Little Time..." ...A.H.

JOKES

Sep 2014


Las Vegas Adult Entertainment


NEW Added on 9/30/2014

The Piggy Bank

As a painless way to save money....

a young couple decided that every time they make love ....

the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank.

One night while being unusually athletic....

he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashes.

To his surprise, among the masses of coins....

there are handfuls of ten and twenty dollar bills.

He asks his wife what's up.

"Well," she replied,

"Not everyone is as cheap as you are."


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NEW Added on 9/29/2014

20 YEARS IN PRISON

A man is crying in the basement.

In comes his wife.

"WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT?"!!!!!!!

He replies,

"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were 16?"

"YES, SO WHAT?"

"He said I could marry you or do 20 years in prison."

"YEAH, SO WHAT?"

He wept,

"Today is the day I would have gotten out!"


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NEW Added on 9/28/2014

THE MISSIONARY

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and
build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English,
so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief,

"This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says,

"This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of Heavy sexual activity.

The padre is really flustered and quickly responds,

"Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe
how to be civilized and kind to each other....

so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."


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NEW Added on 9/27/2014

BLONDE JOKE

A guy spent the day walking around town looking for a job.

He finally walked into an adult store.

"Do you have any work for me?" he asked the owner.

The owner smiled and responded,

"You come as if you have been sent from heaven.

I just opened another store and I need for someone to mind this store for me."

"When do I start?" the guy asked.

"Now. I'm leaving for the other store shortly."

The owner explained all the ins and outs and then left.

First to enter the store was a Caucasian woman.

She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack.

"How much for the white dildo?"

"Forty dollars," he said.

"How much for the black dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

"Give me the . . . uh, black one.

I've never had a black one before." She paid and left.

Soon an African-American woman walked in.

She too walked around and stopped at the dildo rack.

"How much for the black dildo?" she asked.

"Forty dollars."

"How much for the white dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

After thinking a moment, the woman said, "Give me the . . . uh, white one.

I've never had a white one before." She paid and left.

Then a Blonde woman walked in.

She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack.

"How much for the white dildo?" she asked.

"Forty dollars."

"How much for the black dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

"And how much for the checkered one on your counter there?"

"Two hundred dollars."

"Give me . . . uh, the checkered one.

I've never had a checkered one before." She paid and left.

Closing time came around and the owner returned.

"How was your first day?"

"Great!" the guy responded.

"I sold a white and a black dildo for forty bucks each,

and I sold your thermos for two hundred."


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NEW Added on 9/26/2014

VIAGRA HI-JACK

Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities....

the first shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport....

but was hijacked on the way to the pharmacy distribution warehouse.

Scotland Yard has warned the public to be on the lookout....

for a gang of hardened criminals.


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NEW Added on 9/25/2014

BLONDE JOKE

Question: How do you know if a Blonde has been sending e-mail?

Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into your CD Drive.




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NEW Added on 9/24/2014

MAY - DECEMBER

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.

One says, 'It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26!

What kind of a wedding is that?'

The other says, 'Well, we have a name for it in my family.'

'What do you call it?'

'We call it a football wedding.'

The first asks, 'What's a football wedding?'

The other says, 'She's waiting for him to kick off!'


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NEW Added on 9/23/2014

CAMELS

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks,

'Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?'

The mother replies,

'Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.'

'OK,' said the son. A few minutes later the son asks,

'Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?'

'They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert.'

'Thanks Mom,' replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks,

'Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??'

The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies,

'They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert,
so we can go without drinking for long periods.'

'That`s great Mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking,

and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and

these humps to store water, but Mom...'

'Yes, son?'

'Why the hell are we in the Central Park Zoo?'


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NEW Added on 9/22/2014

MARRIED A NUN

Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father Ernie senior, met for lunch.

"Well son," asked Ernie senior,

"How is married life treating you?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed junior.

"It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned.

"That's right," moaned Ernie junior.

"None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!"

Ernie senior nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times.

"Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?"

Young Ernie smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!"

"Fine," replied Ernie senior,

"I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."


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NEW Added on 9/21/2014

MACHO MAN


A macho man married a good-looking sexy young lady.

After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want...

and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you otherwise.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin', and card-playing when I want and
don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me.

Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night....

whether you're here or not."


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NEW Added on 9/20/2014

THE TELEPATHIC WATCH


A guy walks into a bar and sits down beside an attractive woman.

He sits there for awhile intently staring at his watch as the woman becomes curious.

The woman leans over and says "that is a nice watch you're wearing."

"Thanks," he says. "It's a new top of the line watch."

She asks, "what it can do?"

He says that it tells him things telepathically.

"Oh yeah," she says. "What is it telling you now?"

He says that it says she's not wearing any panties.

She replies that's wrong because she is.

He looks at his watch as says, "damn, it must be an hour fast."


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NEW Added on 9/19/2014

BILL, MONICA & HILLARY

It seems that after Bill Clinton got caught with Monica,

Hillary took charge of hiring new interns for the White House!

She offered Lorena Bobbitt the job!


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NEW Added on 9/18/2014

THE CHRISTMAS BIKE

It was Christmas Day, and a little boy who just got a brand new bike for Christmas
was riding down it down the street for the first time!
He was so proud! He stopped at a red light and smiled up at a Police Officer on a horse.

The Police Officer asked the boy "Did Santa bring you that new bike?"

The boy replied "Yes! Sir"

"It looks like Santa forgot to put reflectors on the back of your bike" said the Police Officer,
"The next time I see you there better be reflectors on your bike!" said the Police Officer.

The little boy replied "Yes Sir".

"Officer, can I ask you a question?" said the little boy.

"Yes", said the Officer.

"Did Santa bring you that horse?" asked the boy.

"Yes he did!" said the officer.

Then the boy said...
"Oh, if I ever get a horse I'm going to ask Santa to put the ass hole
behind the horse instead of on top".


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NEW Added on 9/17/2014

Right and Wrong!

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class about the difference between
right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take another example," she said....

"If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money.....

what would I be?"

A little girl raised her hand, and said,

"You'd be his wife."


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NEW Added on 9/16/2014

BLONDE JOKE

A Blonde was complaining to her friend about how she was constantly being teased
about how dumb she was.

So her friend tells her "why don't you do something to prove everyone wrong?

Learn all 50 States Capitals or something."

The Blonde thinks this is a great idea so she locks herself up in a room to study for 2 weeks.

The next weekend she was at a party and someone was teasing her about how
dumb Blondes are.

So she said "I am not dumb! I can name the capital of all 50 states."

So the other person says "ok smarty, what's the capital of Montana?"

The Blonde was very excited because she knew this answer! "I know this, I know this!

The capital of Montana is M!"


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NEW Added on 9/15/2014

BAD DAY!!

A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch.

The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp.

"Wow," said the bartender. "Something bad musta happened."

"I came home early today," answered the guy.......

"I went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend."

The bartender poured the dude another triple shot.....

"This one's on the house."

The guy gulped it down once again.

The bartender asked, "Did you say anything to your wife?"

The guy answered, "Yeah, I walked up to her and told her we were through.

‘Pack your bag's and get out!’ I told her."

"What about your friend?" asked the bartender.

"I looked him straight in the eye and said........

‘Bad dog!’"


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NEW Added on 9/14/2014

THE STOP SIGN

A guy blows through a stop sign and gets caught by a policeman.
Cop says, "License and registration please."

Guy says, "What for?"
Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Guy says,"I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Cop says,"You still didn't come to a complete stop,
license and registration, please."

Guy says, "What's the difference?"
Cop says, "the difference is, you have to come to a complete Stop.
License and registration, PLEASE!"

Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop
I'll give you my license and registration."
Cop says, "Exit your vehicle sir."

At this point, the cop takes out his Night Stick and starts beating the guy over the head and says,

"NOW, Do you want me to slow down or stop?"


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NEW Added on 9/13/2014

Relationship with God

87 year old Morris went for his annual physical.

All of his tests came back with great results.

Dr. Cohen said, "Morris everything looks great physically.

How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with yourself,

and have a good relationship with God?"

Morris replied, "God and me are tight.

We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night,

*poof* . . . the light goes on when I go to the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off!"

"Wow," commented Dr. Cohen, "That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Cohen called Morris's wife.

"Becky," he said, "Morris is just fine.

Physically he's great.

But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.

Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom....

and then *poof* the light goes off?"

Becky replied, "The darn fool!...

He's peeing in the fridge again.


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NEW Added on 9/12/2014

NEVER HIRE A MAN TO DO A WOMAN'S JOB

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These
highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and
background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and
testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but
only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely
secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a
large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this
room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could
never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the
right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know
that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they
explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a
chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in
the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man
came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just
couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for
the job."

"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same
door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow
instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside
you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the
way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots.
Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for
several minutes, then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.......
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said,

"You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks!
I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"


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NEW Added on 9/11/2014

13th Anniversary SEPTEMBER 11th

No Joke today.


Don't ever forget SEPTEMBER 11, 2001!




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NEW Added on 9/10/2014

SIX COWS

Robert is out in the country with his new bride.

They watch as a bull comes over the rise and services six cows in a row,

one after the other.

His wife says,

"It's a shame a man can't perform like that."

He says,

"We could, if we got to change cows every time."


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NEW Added on 9/9/2014

THE SINGLE WOMAN'S PRAYER

Now I lay me down to sleep.
Please don't send me no more creeps.
Please just send me one good man.
One without a wedding band.

One good man who's sweet as pie.
Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie.
Who dresses neat and is never bad.
And is sexy like my man Brad.

If I should die before I wake,
that would truly take the cake;
No matrimony or honeymoon.
No fancy reception planned for June.

No throwing of the wedding bouquet.
Please, God, don't let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right
I won't go out without a fight.

But then again with my luck,
He'd probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad
I know it's just a passing fad.

I won't be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down.
No more makeup, won't comb my hair.
So never mind this stupid prayer.

The single life will do just fine.
So what's up, girlfriend?
IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!



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NEW Added on 9/8/2014

Saint Peter

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.

St. Peter said,

"I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here.

Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something.

You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big......

what kind of car you get will depend on your answer."

The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy,

"How long were you married?"

The first guy says, "24 years."

"Did you ever cheat on your wife?" Peter asked.

The guy says, "Yeah, 7 times... but you said I was forgiven!"

Peter says, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto."

The second guy says,

"I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once,

but that was our first year and we really worked it out good."

Peter says, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."

The 3rd guy walks up and says,

"Peter, I know what you're going to ask.

I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman!

I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter says, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"

A few days later, the 2 guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto

see the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk.

When they ask him what's wrong, he says,

"I just saw my wife, and she was on a skateboard!"



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NEW Added on 9/7/2014

THE PRAYING PARROTS

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say,'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed,

"but I have a solution to your problem.

Bring your parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male
talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the Bible.

My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying such terrible things,
and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman exclaimed.

The next day the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots ...

and the female parrots say,

"Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims,

"Put the beads away, dude!

Our prayers have finally been answered!"


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NEW Added on 9/6/2014

ONE UPMANSHIP

Three elderly women, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a Florida
retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside.

Inevitably, their conversation turned to children.
"My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue," announced one.

Not to be outdone, the second remarked,
"My son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."

The third remained conspicuously silent.
Sensing easier game, the first matron inquired,
"And you, dear, do you have a son?"

"And is he a professional?" demanded the second.

"Well, not exactly," answered the third.
"Actually, he's a plumber. And not only that, he's gay."

Beaming, one of the poor woman's interrogators offered consolation:
"Ah, he's not doing so well."

This time it was the third woman who smiled.
"He's not doing too badly," she explained.

"He goes out with the most successful doctor on Park Avenue
and the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."


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NEW Added on 9/5/2014

THE DRUNK

A Drunk walks into a bar,

and there is a horse behind the bar serving the drinks.

The Drunk is staring at the horse, when the horse says:

'Hey mister - what are you staring at?

Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?'

The Drunk says, 'No, no, it's not that...

it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place.'


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NEW Added on 9/4/2014

What Can I Get for Ten Bucks?

A guy is desperate for sex but he only has ten bucks to his name.

He decides to go and see the madam at the local brothel.

When he tells her of his lack of funds....

she shows him to a small room and points to a chicken in the corner....

he decides to accept and it turns out to be the best sex he has ever had.

About a week later he returns with 20 bucks in his pocket....

and asks what she can do for him this time.

He is shown to a large room with several benches and a two way mirror,

through which he is invited to watch two lesbians having sex.

After half an hour he nudges the guy next him and says

"What a great show for 20 bucks."

The guy replies,

"Yeah! But you should have been here last week.

We had some guy having sex with a chicken!


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NEW Added on 9/3/2014

GHOST STORY

A convention of ghost enthusiasts was taking place at a local hotel.

At one of the daily sessions the speaker asks if anyone has ever seen a ghost.

A few hundred people raise their hands. The speaker is quite pleased with the reaction.

He next asks whether anyone has ever touched a ghost?

Much to his surprise, at least a dozen people raise their hands,

claiming to have actually touched a ghost.

The speakers then asks whether anyone has ever had sex with a ghost.

There is silence in the room.

A few moments pass and then suddenly.....

an East Indian gentleman sitting in the back raises his hand and exclaims, "I have."

The speaker cannot believe what he has just heard.

"You sir? You have actually had sex with a ghost?"

Embarrassed, the East Indian replies,

"Omigod, stupid, stupid me.....

Very, very bad mistake.....

I am thinking you say goat."


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NEW Added on 9/2/2014

OLYMPIC CONDOMS

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds,

"Why don't you wear Silver....

it would be nice if you came in second for a change!"


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NEW Added on 9/1/2014

THE TORRID AFFAIR

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair.

One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion.....

so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love.

When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night.

They got dressed quickly.

Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn.

Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird.

The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door.

Upset, she asked where he'd been.

The man replied, 'I can not tell a lie.

My secretary and I are having an affair.

Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love...

and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late.'

The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled,

'I can see those grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR!

You've been playing golf again, haven't you?'